Connect: Become a Designated Engager

Do you love Jesus, love people, and are openly friendly? Do you attend women’s events at your church that draw newcomers? In this blog, I invite you to become a “DESIGNATED ENGAGER” at church activities where visitors might be present. What is a designated engager? Keep reading. I will explain what it is and why designated engagers are so important for any church women’s group or activity. Being a designated engager is an easy way to get started connecting with nonbelievers as part of lifestyle disciplemaking. This is post #3 in our “Lifestyle Disciplemaking”blog series, adapted from our book, Leap into Lifestyle Disciplemaking.

Listen to this blog as a similar podcast:

Disciplemaking is the full process of befriending someone who needs to know Jesus, helping her learn to trust in Jesus for her salvation, personally discipling her in the basics of her new faith, AND coaching her to do the same with her friends who need to know Jesus. It is being more outward-focused rather than inward-focused on personal growth alone.

Every woman can become a disciplemaker—teens and college students, senior adults, singles, married, widowed, moms, and empty nesters. All that is required is a heart to obey Jesus in this area of your life and a choice to pursue a lifestyle of disciplemaking. Jump in with both feet and trust the Holy Spirit to lead you to women who need Jesus. 

Putting yourself in the shoes of a newcomer

For several years, I was active in women’s ministry at my church. When I attended an event, I knew most women there. I usually had responsibilities at the event or hung out with my friends so I did not really notice the newcomers very much. We had an active welcome team, so I assumed the newcomers would be greeted well. Then, as women usually like to do, I figured they would jump into the mix and connect on their own. But then, I became the newcomer! It was a vastly different and eye-opening experience!

As I walked into our new church for the entire first year, all I saw was a sea of faces—none of whom I knew. It was a lonely and isolating feeling because they seemed to know each other. When we were visiting various small groups to consider joining one, I was once again the outsider walking into a room of women who knew each other well but who were all strangers to me. I remember one particular occasion when the other women greeted me then gathered in their group to catch up on each other’s lives. Only one woman sat at the table and talked with me, letting me know that she cared I was there. I was so appreciative of her. Though we were not drawn to join that group, I wanted a connection with the one who intentionally made me feel wanted. We had lunch together several times. That felt so good to know someone who wanted to know me.

Now, I have a greater appreciation for how the newcomer feels when she bravely attends a summer women’s Bible study. She comes because she desperately wants to make friends. She wants to know and be known. She may be new to the area, new to the church, looking for a church, or just seeking something spiritual but not sure what.

The first summer study I attended at our new church, I voluntarily arrived early to station myself near the name tag table. It was not my duty, but I figured that if I helped women find their name tags, I could put a name to a face, too. When I sat at the discussion group table, I wrote in my study guide the names of the other women at my table and jotted down whatever they said about themselves. I hoped I would see them again before my memory forgot what they looked like. I sat at a different table every week to meet different women. I desperately wanted to know who some of those faces were that I saw on Sundays! And it worked.

That experience has now motivated me to notice a newcomer at an event and make her feel welcome and wanted. I think of myself as a “designated engager.” What is that, and why is it needed?

The need for designated engagers

The word “engage” has several meanings. When a man and woman get engaged, they are “committing themselves” to a contract of marriage at some point in the future. Another definition of engage is “establish a meaningful contact or connection with.” My favorite meaning is “to bring things together and cause them to connect.” Think Legos. An engager not only makes contact but also creates a solid connection. That is the goal. So how does that fit with women’s activities?

You are likely familiar with the term “designated driver.” A designated driver knows they are responsible to stay sober and alert so they can safely drive their passengers home. A designated engager intentionally makes contact with a newcomer so she feels welcome and wanted. In a sense, it is turning your radar on when you walk into a room where newcomers might be present.

During that same summer study I referenced above, a few women intentionally connected with me. They noticed me and remembered my name. That made me feel wanted and included. I am so grateful for them. Their warmth and interest made me want to come back. They probably did not consider themselves “Designated Engagers,” but by their actions that is what they were. During the next summer’s Bible study, I attended as an unofficial “designated engager” to help any newcomers feel wanted and included.

In a sense, I now “turn my radar on” when I walk into a room where newcomers might be present. Consider how radar works to locate airplanes in the sky or vehicles on a roadway. It provides an awareness to the operators or what is going on around them. That is what a designated engager does.

Here is an important aspect of being a designated engager: You cannot have any other jobs during the event. You can help set up before an event, which is a good thing so you will know where everything is. But once people start showing up, your role is to “turn your radar on” to recognize that person who is a visitor and connect with her throughout the activity.

Designated engagers are not the welcome team at the doors. Greeters have a different role and are very important for first impressions. But designated engagers are the welcome team inside the room during the event connecting with individuals who are newcomers. And if the newcomer is attending with a friend, that friend wants you to connect with her guest so she will want to come back.

Even weekly classes need a designated engager for visitors. I mentioned in my previous article on the connect phase of lifestyle disciplemaking that I was once ignored while visiting a Sunday morning class! Two of the women who were leaders in the group introduced themselves to me then turned away and spent the next five minutes visiting with each other. They left me just sitting alone at the table—a newcomer. That experience reminded me how important it is to make newcomers feel wanted and to overcome the tendency toward “intentional blindness.” Later that year, I attended the women’s retreat for that church as a newcomer myself, arriving early so I could look for that woman who came alone. It did not take long to recognize her sitting in the foyer. So I introduced myself, made sure I knew her name, and spent several minutes talking to her. Throughout the weekend, I greeted her by name whenever I saw her. We both benefited from that connection.

Preparing to become a designated engager

You can see how important designated engagers are to any women’s event or church ministry function. Do you love Jesus and want others to experience the love of Jesus, also? Do you want to be especially friendly to newcomers during an event so they will feel welcomed and wanted? Then, prepare yourself to become a designated engager whenever you attend an event where newcomers might be present.

Do this on your own or with a friend:

Ahead of the event—

• Start with prayer. Ask Jesus to give you love for women who do not know Jesus and compassion for where they are in life (Matthew 9:36). Ask Him to give you boldness and opportunity to interact with newcomers to your event or group (Ephesians 6:19). Desire discernment to know the right words to say in conversation that would make her feel wanted (Colossians 4:5-6). And commit to rely on Him and His Holy Spirit power in you to do this.
• Remember how you felt when you were in a strange situation. What would make you feel welcome in a room full of strangers? What would make you more comfortable?
• Prepare your contact information to give to the newcomer. Be sure to get hers as well.
• Research what your church offers for grief care, divorce counseling, marriage issues, parenting, singleness, cancer, and other common needs. If you have brochures about those, get a few to keep handy when you attend the event.
• Be familiar with something you can invite a newcomer to attend in the next month or so—your church meeting times, upcoming women’s activities, family activities, etc.

At the event—

• Arrive early to become familiar with how things are set up so you can help a visitor find where she needs to be.
• Have no other responsibilities during the event other than focusing on the women who are new. It is okay to help with the setup before the event. But once women start showing up, your focus needs to be on visitors and not on any other responsibility.
• Be careful to not be drawn into conversations with those you already know unless you are introducing them to a newcomer.
• Turn your radar on as soon as you enter the room. Be alert for those who may be alone, shy, or quiet; are known to be new to the area, to the church, or to the group; and unfamiliar with the building and others present. Many newcomers want to connect with a community of believers but do not know how to do so.
• Be gracious, relaxed, and interested in her life. Wear a name tag if possible. Introduce yourself, ask for her name, and remember it during the event. Invite her to sit with you, to join you in something you are doing, or whatever it takes to connect with her more than just saying hello. Key in on common things you share or connect her with someone who shares something in common with her. It is okay to be nosy. Be attentive.
• Have something to place in her hand about your church, women’s activities, family activities, etc. before she leaves. Invite her back for something specific within a month at least. This could be an all-church event, a women’s event, or a children’s activity. Find something she might be drawn to attend.
• If she reveals specific needs regarding grief, divorce counseling, marriage issues, parenting, singleness, or other common needs, connect her with someone who is experiencing what she is but has learned to rely on Christ to overcome it.
• Make sure you get a way to contact her and give her your contact information.

After the event—

• Follow up with her during the next two weeks. Remember to invite her back for something specific within a month at least. Find something she might be drawn to attend. Meet her at the door when she comes to church for the first time or attends that next event where you will be present.
• Pray for her.

That sounds like a lot, but it really is not. Once you have done the preparation, you will use the same stuff at most events you would attend. Invite a friend to join you as a designated engager. Pray together before and after the event. Share this wonderful experience together as you both join the adventure of lifestyle disciplemaking!

Download the “Designated Engagers Preparation” checklist to use for yourself.

Do this as part of women’s ministry

Do you already have a welcome team for your ministries and events? Consider inviting specific women to become “designated engagers” for each event. These would not be greeters at the door or check-in table. They would also not be your small group leaders or table leaders who need to shepherd the whole group.

• Invite those who love Jesus, love women, and are gifted to be openly friendly. You know who those women are in your group. They would need to be prepared to connect with newcomers as described in the section above for individuals. Encourage the designated engagers to pray together before and after the event.
• It is always good to have a training time for women to know what they should do as designated engagers. You could follow the same preparation as for individuals above, including informing them about what your church offers for grief care, divorce counseling, marriage issues, parenting, singleness, cancer, and other common needs. If you have brochures about those, you can give your engagers a few to keep handy when they attend the events.
• Make sure your designated engagers do not have other responsibilities during an event other than connecting with the newcomers. It is tempting to see someone hanging around and give them a last-minute job to do. Please remember not to do that.
• Have designated engagers present whenever unchurched women are invited to your church or women’s event—bazaars, brunches, women’s classes, moms’ groups, fall festivals, and more.

Download the “Designated Engagers Preparation” checklist to use for the women in your small group or church ministry.

Stay Christ-focused as you take the next steps

Being a designated engager is an easy entrance into lifestyle disciplemaking for those of you who love Jesus, love people, and love being friendly to visitors. Does that describe you? Then, I am inviting you to be the “Designated Engager” for your spring tea, women’s retreat, or summer Bible study. And please recruit others to join you! How fun can that be for several of you to do this together! Overcome that tendency for “intentional blindness” at your next women’s event. “TURN YOUR RADAR ON” and help a newcomer feel wanted and included! Trust Jesus to help you do that. Then, watch what He does!

When the Holy Spirit gives you opportunity to talk to anyone about Jesus, you need to be ready. We will look at ways that you can “Prepare to Share Your Faith” in the next blog.

Lifestyle disciplemaking activities are interwoven throughout our Live Out His Love Bible Study of New Testament women.

Let Jesus lead you into lifestyle disciplemaking. Jesus followers become disciplemakers.

Related Resources

• Lifestyle Disciplemaking Blog Series
• Live Out His Love Bible Study on Amazon (New Testament women, disciplemaking preparations)
• Be a Christ-Focused Small Group Leader on Amazon (prepares group leaders for disciplemaking)
• Lifestyle Disciplemaking resources on my website (including everything in this blog series)
• Host a “Leap into Lifestyle Disciplemaking” retreat
• Live a Question-Stimulating Life in View of Your Neighbors (from Dwell: Life with God for the World by Barry D. Jones

Image credit: sourced from a template at canva.com.

AI was not used to generate this post.